Control Freaks Ruin Marriage

I will be the first to admit that control was going to be the death of my marriage in the beginning. There were several (ok tons) of times when I not only used control, I abused control such as; telling my husband that he better not touch the heating/air setting in the house as it was just at the temperature “I” wanted.  How rude, as if when he got hot or cold he was to suffer for my convenience? I can vividly remember me telling him to put the toilet paper roll on a certain way and to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom and not the middle. Really??? How crazy with control was I to allow these mundane things to cause tension in our marriage?

Control is simply doing and having it our way whether or not it works for anybody else. In a marriage that is a recipe for disaster. No one likes to be controlled. It was the main reason most of us wanted so badly to become adults and leave our parent’s home. Control will cause a spouse to want to escape and it will lead to a deteriorating relationship. I’m a recovering control-aholic and you can be also.

If control is your issue, crack the whip on the control freak, and free yourself and your spouse. I know you are probably saying, but if I don’t tell him/her what I want or force them to see it my way (which we think is the only way) then there will just be chaos in the long run. Trust me when I say your relationship will be a lot more fulfilling when you allow your spouse to have a say than to force it to be done a certain way. Spouses are partners who encourage each other to think and give their perspective for the benefit of all involved. Doing this builds team work, confidence, and validates that each person is a valuable asset in the marriage. It even sets the stage for positive negotiations and fosters oneness.

Breathe through, don’t jump so quickly to handle or direct an issue or concern. Don’t allow fear and control by taking charge of your spouse cost you your marriage in the long run. Believe you me, the price of divorce is much more expensive than whatever monetary value or power gain you can place on an issue that will soon be a distant memory. Not taking control doesn’t mean a decision won’t be made, it just means that both spouses must be patient and learn the art of sharing in the decision making process. Remember you “MARRYME4LIFE”, so do life together.

Ready, Set, Marriage!!!

On any given Sunday, my couch becomes tailgate heaven. I get my gear, my food, my drinks, my wife and lay back in the best seat in the house in-front of the big screen. My wife and I know which teams we are cheering on to victory and even if we disagree on who should be the winner, we do so agreeably. We understand that many elements make the game and one missing piece on the field weakens the team as a whole if someone else doesn't make up for that person or persons performance or absence things can and will fall apart. Truly understanding that to win a game a team must play cohesively to walk away with the W in the win column is a given when watching a game.

But lets roll back to before the team ever hits the field. There are behind the scene preparations that must be taken care of in order to effectively handle the field and the opponent. No team with out preparation and anticipation of what could go wrong during the game sits by idly or figures they will just go off instinct. Each player understand their position and practices to perfect their craft. No team, goes on the field without going over plays to win and counter the opponent.  No team goes on the field without coaches and assistants that line the sideline and fill them with encouragement, notes and plans in order to get the W in the win column. And when everyone plays their part and a win happens it feels great. The same principles, preparation and anticipation should go on within our marriages.

I know, marriage is not a game. However, principles apply, game plans need to be followed, and un-sportsman like conduct or crossing boundaries bring penalties or delay of progress for the marriage as a whole. The players must remember that it's not about individual accomplishments but about the team overall. The beauty of having the team attitude is that even though your intentions and actions are for the team, perks of being with the best and playing your best allow you to shine through and everyone benefits. The same holds true within marriage. 

Times will come when attitudes, beliefs, and opposition will come on the field against your marriage. When these opponents show up, whether or not you and your wife are ready and in position to work as a team will determine the outcome. If team efforts are at the forefront of the relationship, everyone benefits.  In order for teams to be great they play together, encourage each other, correct faults, and grow with each passing game test.  Even after occasional mishaps, a team must get geared up to go back into the next game better than before.  We as couples should always remember the importance of preparing (reading), interceding (praying for) and living by principles (stay away from fouls) in order to advance our married life for good field position, forward progress, and Winning.  Remember, you may not always agree but for the good of the team (marriage) we put aside "me" efforts and focus on "we" efforts. Enjoy your spouse because you Married Them 4 Life.

T & T

Marryme4life

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"The Year of Yes"

Rely On Who Holds 2013: The Year of Yes

Now that 2012 is yesterdays news, and 2013 has arrived there is a since of newness and possibilities that await discovery. It's almost like coming out of a holding pattern and into the promise of the reality. So this year the theme for 2013 should be "The Year of Yes". Yes to Prosperity, Yes to Possibilities, and Yes to Peace.  The NIV of 2 Corinthians 1:20 states- For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 

This year we will grab hold of our Father's promises of Yes and exercise our own Yes Reflex and step into receiving God's best for our marriage, our family, and our future.  We will commit to leave behind disappointment, and un-forgiveness. We will stop the rear view walk and step into the Faith Walk. We do not know what the future holds, but we have confidence in who holds our future. The answers to our prayers are Yes, Yes, and followed up by our AMEN's. Our marriage will be blessed, our families will have favor and blessing, and our prosperity in every area of life will be fulfilled to his glory. When we exercised our Yes reflex at the Wedding Altar, we took the promise and walked in faith believing that our mate would "Marry Me 4 Life". This promise is a hourly, daily, weekly, monthly and yearly walk. Therefore, We proclaim 2013 to be "The Year of Yes", the year where God's promises of Yes will come to pass. This is OUR YEAR and OUR MARRIAGE will be filled with GOD's Best and a Resounding YES to his promises for life.

Believing God's Best For Marriage in 2013
Tony & Tarenia
MM4Life