I will be the first to admit that control was going to be the death of my marriage in the beginning. There were several (ok tons) of times when I not only used control, I abused control such as; telling my husband that he better not touch the heating/air setting in the house as it was just at the temperature “I” wanted. How rude, as if when he got hot or cold he was to suffer for my convenience? I can vividly remember me telling him to put the toilet paper roll on a certain way and to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom and not the middle. Really??? How crazy with control was I to allow these mundane things to cause tension in our marriage?
Control is simply doing and having it our way whether or not it works for anybody else. In a marriage that is a recipe for disaster. No one likes to be controlled. It was the main reason most of us wanted so badly to become adults and leave our parent’s home. Control will cause a spouse to want to escape and it will lead to a deteriorating relationship. I’m a recovering control-aholic and you can be also.
If control is your issue, crack the whip on the control freak, and free yourself and your spouse. I know you are probably saying, but if I don’t tell him/her what I want or force them to see it my way (which we think is the only way) then there will just be chaos in the long run. Trust me when I say your relationship will be a lot more fulfilling when you allow your spouse to have a say than to force it to be done a certain way. Spouses are partners who encourage each other to think and give their perspective for the benefit of all involved. Doing this builds team work, confidence, and validates that each person is a valuable asset in the marriage. It even sets the stage for positive negotiations and fosters oneness.
Breathe through, don’t jump so quickly to handle or direct an issue or concern. Don’t allow fear and control by taking charge of your spouse cost you your marriage in the long run. Believe you me, the price of divorce is much more expensive than whatever monetary value or power gain you can place on an issue that will soon be a distant memory. Not taking control doesn’t mean a decision won’t be made, it just means that both spouses must be patient and learn the art of sharing in the decision making process. Remember you “MARRYME4LIFE”, so do life together.
