Betrayal Is Not A Good Look

Betrayal is a lonely and hurting feeling. Especially when the betrayal is committed by a love one, lover, or friend. Confiding in someone takes courage, vulnerability, and often times emotional and physical nudity. You see, betrayal only happens when trust has been extended and trust is only extended when we feel this person is safe, or so they seem. Yet, we forget that not everyone who enters our lives falls into the category of "Trust Me I Have Your Back". Not everyone we meet is Loyal. Loyalty is a character trait that has to be developed. You either understand and practice loyalty or you constantly commit acts of disloyalty.  

Some would say that Loyalty depends on the situation that a person is put into. However, situations don't create the person, the person gives power OR gives up power to the situation. Loyalty is a trait that overtime will become the biggest snitch in a relationship you will find. When it rears it's unsightly head how do you handle it? Do you give the person a chance to redeem themselves or quietly exit the relationship with your heart in your hand and tears in your eyes? Just remember, seeds start covered in dirt but they must push through the dirt to reach their full potential. 

How are you at being a loyal and trust worthy spouse, friend, employee, or co-worker? Would people say that you are consistently showing loyalty and trust within your everyday relationships? Whatever we emit, that shall we receive. It is imperative that we understand the benefits that loyalty bring into our everyday existence. We are mirror images to a world where the "Crabs In A Barrel" mentality thrive and loyalty and honor which should be on display seem to be a dying characteristic. If you have a spouse, a friend, a family member, or you are displaying disloyal behavior check it now. Kindly but firmly put out into the atmosphere that Loyalty and Consistency in Relationship is a Must, and Without It, There's No Building Foundation, and No Real Trust. 

Marriage is 4 Life,

T n T, (Tony & Tarenia)

MM4Life.com

We Know It's Hard, but Here are 10 Ways to Bond Your Blended Family

Is your blended family, not blending?  Don’t worry; get them to bond instead of blend!!  Think about it, how many people have a close relationship without bonding on some level. It becomes difficult, if not impossible to want to have a relationship with someone you have no common interest with. Your friends are people who make you laugh, think, push you to greater heights, and just make you feel accepted. Kids want to be accepted and loved. Validate and show interest in your new family and watch God move fear, attitudes, disrespect, and walls of resentment. Open yourself up and watch others become transparent with you.  Try these bonding family activities:

1. Play a board game or video game together – Taboo or Wii are great games to show your fun side

2. If a sport is what captures the attention of the child, get involved, watch with them or train with them, you may just get in shape or find a new hobby

3. Cook together – It’s a great way to learn how to “Blend” different items to achieve a great outcome and kids love to eat meals they have prepared

4. Get the kids involved in saving money – ask who will clip coupons or watch for bargains, even allow a child (with your help of course) to set a budget and shop for weekly items so they feel a part of the family

5. Set up family talent night – invite their friends over and make it a fun event-

6.  Choose a weekly movie night – Have each kid pick a week where they get to choose the movie the family watches – eat pizza and popcorn and enjoy

7. Have the kids do a photo shoot where you are the photographer – allow them to do a dress up scene, or dress like one of their favorite stars and watch their personalities come alive- allow them to photograph you also and make a scrap book with the different looks to share with others.

8. Ride bikes together or take walks around the neighborhood

9. Do a dream board or book together (learn to encourage their dreams)– find magazines with interesting pictures, items, or places and cut them out and place them on the board or book

10. Dance together – find music from your era and show them the dances from your time, then allow them to put on their music and show you the latest dances that are trending now.

Over time bonding will give way to blending and before you know it, everyone will enjoy being together. It takes time and intentional effort on the adult’s part. Children may not seem receptive at first, but keep trying. Consistency is the key, don’t start it and then stop it. Once the bonding process has taken place the blending process becomes automatic. Your marriage is worth the extra effort to welcome everybody into the family and allow them to feel like they belong. Remember, your marriage and family are a blessing and gift from God. (Psalm 127:3)

Marriage is 4 Life,
T n T, (Tony & Tarenia)
MM4Life

                                                             

I Want Others To See How Much You Mean To Me

Simply telling someone you care may not be enough. There are times when you have to show it in other ways. Take for instance when guys send flowers to their girls workplace the impact is so much more far reaching than if he had them sent to the house. The whole day, everyone that enters her space at work will ask her about the flowers and think highly of who sent them.  Those flowers just announced to everyone around her that she is special and cared for in a deep and meaningful way. Yes, she may not be the flower type, but trust me, EVERY WOMAN want's others to know that she is loved and thought about.

Ladies, your man wants the same attention. No, don't send flowers to his work. Depending on where he's employed that's probably not a good look. But don't negate the fact that he wants others to know that he is "THE MAN". His ego needs to be stroked in front of others and often. Compliment him on his work ethics, his style of dress, how great he smells,  his sense of humor, or other things that would make him feel appreciated. Men love to know that they are wanted and needed. If he is a great father or father figure let him know and encourage that sense of pride and commitment in side of him. If he makes you feel safe and secure, remind him that you appreciate the security he provides in your relationship. Serve him in front of others, never talk negatively about him towards your family or friends. Hey everyone has flaws, none of us are perfect. But talking about each other's flaws in front of others shouts disrespect in the worst possible way. Work to build each other and forgive grievances that are bound to come up day to day. Words and acts of deeds help to keep the relationship balanced and at ease and shows your spouse that your love and admiration for them has no limit and sees no end. This Marriage is 4 Life, Enjoy it to the Fullest.


Marry Me 4 Life,
T n T, (Tony & Tarenia)
MM4Life

The No Limit Marriage

The No Limit Marriage

There are times in our relationships where we ponder if it is worth the time, pain, and effort to stay. There are those moments that test the will, and strength to continue without knowing for certain if the pay off will be worth the sacrifice. All relationships go through seasons of change and pain. Yes, even the happiest of couples endure stretches of not so happy circumstances.
Yet, what keeps those couples and others going despite the rough patches? How do they manage to get their happy back and become a testament to others that follow behind them?

Believing that your relationship has purpose beyond the moment of a catastrophe is vitally important to maintaining its value and holding on in times of despair. A great marriage serves more than just the two people in it. With God it's reach has no limit. It is our faith, our undying belief that we have more good deeds and moments ahead than what is trying to stop us from moving forward together. Our hope in God, our faith in self and one another, and our love of relationship sustains us. We look beyond the flaws, hurt, embarrassment, and let downs knowing that greater is yet to come because of our sacrifice. It is in those moments, that we understand our burdens weight may be heavy, but God's yoke will lighten the load. We keep pressing to the end knowing that those along the way benefit positively, or negatively from the choices we make today. The future of generations to come depend on what we choose to do with our present situations. Let no stone be unturned, no corner be not mended, for what may not seem good now is set to become great just as God intended.


Marriage is 4 Life,
T n T, (Tony & Tarenia)
MM4Life

Seasons Of Marriage

Many us of plan our weddings according to the time of year we would like to get married. Whether we choose a spring, summer, winter or fall ceremony is totally up to our own liking. However, how many us realize that our marriage will go through and dictate it's own seasonal changes. Yes, marriage has it's own seasons. It is wise to figure out which season you are in so that when the transition comes you are prepared to handle what comes your way.

Since you were born, the seasons have come and gone. Each season brings it's own weather patterns and rules for dressing in that season. For summer you wear less clothes, for winter you wear more clothes. Think about it for a moment. If you are in the middle of summer but a cool front arrives you adjust and pull out a sweater to accommodate the changes. You don't go and pull out your winter clothes just yet. You understand that the summer is not over and things do happen in the weather patterns that could bring about a brief change. The same holds true within marriage. You simply understand the season and adjust accordingly. If your mate is having a cold spell in the middle of what should be the hottest and steamiest part of your relationship, give him or her a break and adjust your position to accommodate their seasonal shift.

There are even times when our season's last longer than we would like. It is in those times that we must understand the season will not last forever. In other words, don't get discouraged if situations, attitudes, money woes, health issues or kids are straining and draining the relationship. The season will not, and can not last forever. Those times will end and new beginnings will come. During those times remember to find the shifts that allow for some enjoyment. You may have to CREATE moments during those times that will get you through until the change comes. Just remember the commitment, and the love that you had ( and have) when you said I DO and allow that memory along with other joyous memories to sustain you. Cheers to the lessons we learn to encourage and share with others in our marital seasons.

Marriage is 4 Life,
T n T, (Tony & Tarenia)
MM4Life

Today's post was a reminder for not only our readers but for self as well. Often times life happens and we get caught up in the children, bills, work, and social demands that take us away from our joy of being a loyal spouse. We can at times, not intentionally I might add, take our spouse for granted. One wise individual once said that "Comfortability is the Biggest Snitch You Will Ever Meet". There should be comfort in a marriage but we should not make a rug out of it and walk all over it with muddy high heel stiletto boots. More often than not we should slow down and consider that our mate married a person who was there for them and made them feel special in every way. A man who has a wife wants to continue to remember her as the bride of his youth.  The one that stood at the altar with him and held his hand and happily took his last name as they walked down the aisle and saluted every one as Mr. & Mrs.

Yes, things may have become more complicated since the day you were married. But do not let the complications of life take you away from being the fun, ride or die, listener, dreamer, motivator, and biggest cheerleader your husband ever met. You have matured and yes we all see things a little differently as we go through the marriage seasons, however, you can think like a wife, but act like a blushing bride and let him know that you are on his side no matter what. Incorporate some new rituals. Start off with minor changes like kissing him before leaving for work. Running to the door or garage when he gets home with a hug and a smile. Bring him home a small cooler with his favorite beverage on ice inside on a Friday or Saturday night. Saying I stand by you and believe in you can be done many ways. Seize the opportunity in each day to let him know that you have his side, back and front. Pray for him out loud and let him know that even though your schedule may be full, he is at the top of your priority list. Remember, a wife wants love, a husband wants respect, give it on both ends and nothing will go unchecked.

Blessings,
T-n-T
Marriage...This IS 4 Life

I Give Up Because This Marriage Sucks!!! STOP!!

So you and your spouse seem to be going nowhere in your marriage. As a matter of fact you both avoid each other just to co-exist in the same place. Each time either of you murmur a word; it turns into an argument and things spiral out of control. You, or both of you decide that divorce must be the only solution. It's obvious that you cannot get along, and are 2 totally different people going in different directions. So you decide, "I give up because this Marriage sucks!!!" STOP!!! There is another solution.

Yes, there is another solution. It involves your thinking and the ingredients you use in your marriage relationship. For a moment think about a great piece of cake you had, possibly your wedding cake, or a birthday cake. Think about the ingredients for that cake. In order to get the best possible outcome, top-notch ingredients had to be used. But the ingredients were not the only part, it was the process and the skill involved to make the cake a success. 

It took a lot of moving parts to get that cake baked and ready to be eaten. Without the eggs, flour, sugar, milk, mixing bowl, cake pan, stove and other things, that cake would not have turned out so great. What started out as a messy mixture of stuff, turned into a decadent dessert that everyone could share and enjoy. 

Marriage is a lot like baking a cake. The process involves understanding how to use and mix those ingredients and tools for a successful outcome. No one wants a lumpy half-baked cake.  As is such when it comes to our marriage, no couple wants a bumpy, unfulfilled relationship with the person who they have committed to spend the rest of their lives with.

So here’s a solution, dump the old ingredients of doubt and disappointment and replace it with what God has given you in his word for your marriage. Phillipians 4:8, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—IF ANYTHING is excellent or praiseworthy--THINK about such things. 

Get your thinking in the right place and your marriage will follow. Your response to this and other situations is your responsibility. You may be saying, I have tried this already, however, the word of God speaks about your trying as it relates to this area in Galatians 6:9, Do not grow weary in your well doing (thinking-meditating) and faint (fall back into old habits or doubt that things will change) for in due times and at the appointed season you shall reap a plentiful harvest. No matter what our spouse is or is not doing, we must be committed to work, work, and work some more with prayer and encouragement to keep our marriage on the correct course. 

Remember the cake each time you want to scream, ignore, run out on, or bite the head off your mate. When you change, everything around you changes to match the environment. The process and overall success for the best dessert (your marriage) is yet to come. Meditate on what is good and eat the fruits there of.

Tony & Tarenia

mm4life.com

Marital Advisors

Should We Remain Married if there is NO TRUST??

Burning Question of the Day:

Since trust is our biggest issue can we stay married?

Almost every relationship deals with the issue of trust on some level. It can stem from areas of money all the way to infidelity. It is not uncommon to question how much we can trust someone. Yet is really hurts when our expectations are let down. Should we be able to have a sense of “Oh I know my husband/wife won’t do that”, of course we should. But it’s realistic to say that even in the best of marriages trust can and is often broken. Before we go further lets take a look at what Biblical Scripture says.

Micah 7:(5-6) Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies are the men of his own house.

WOW!!! The word of God is straightforward and says to trust no one not even those in your own home.

Now take a look at the following Scripture:

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

We are instructed to put our trust solely in the Lord and not in man or even in our own abilities to reason or act according to what is right in our own sight.  So, clearly we are not to solely trust anyone other than the Lord. We must trust God to handle our spouse and convict them to make right those areas that clearly they missing the mark on. Trusting God gives God room to impart in us his compassion, his forgiveness, his way of understanding burdens and faults that we all have. We all fall short in the trust arena. Lets look at some of those who have broken trust: our children, our pastors & spiritual leaders, teachers, U.S. Presidents, and even our parents have broken trust.

Marriages are built on Covenant Commitment to remain together as one until Death do you part. Set boundaries, walk in love, forgive offenses and get help for those offenses that cause a rift against the marriage Covenant like infidelity. The best you can do is to be honest and say, “No I don’t trust them, but I do trust God to work in them.” It will give you peace of mind and take the stress off your relationship to allow you both to experience the love of God here on earth.

Grace & Mercy,

MM4Life